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I see certain older adults sometimes stop and watch my son play or run on his chubby legs or chat at me from the shopping cart.  Sometimes they look amused, and sometimes they look wistful.  They say cliche things like “It goes so fast” or “Enjoy it!”  and I completely get it.  I see this boy changing so rapidly in front of my eyes.  Everything is always so bittersweet.  It’s all so complicated yet uncomplicated–there is so much to be DONE, so much managing, so much overseeing, so much planning ahead.  But also there’s this:  we love each other so purely.  It’s just so easy for me to love him.  It’s a given that I will wake up and feel all that love in my heart and that I will go to my little boy to lift him out of bed and he will say “MaMA!” with a smile in his voice, because all he knows for me is love.  And I think ahead and worry that in years to come, this love will become murky and sullied by resentment and teenage hormones and outside factors.  I don’t know what to expect, exactly.  Maybe our love will strengthen with every setback and every cloudy moment.  I hope so.  But I also wish our hearts could always exchange this golden purity, back and forth.

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One.

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Well we have a one-year-old.  See?

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It was a beautiful April Sunday.  Lovely outside, so we had our little party in the back yard and hung paper lanterns from the trees.  We had our small families over and served falafel, tabbouleh, fruit salad, cheese & crackers, and hummus and veggies.  I made hummingbird cupcakes, which were delicious even though they didn’t exactly thrill Gus (see above).

I love this kid.  Love, love, love him.   The first few months of his life were so hard.  I felt trapped in the house with an angry baby.  Leaving the house was a nightmare.  But now, he brings so much joy and light to our lives!  I love watching him learn and grow and figure things out.  He’s going to be walking on his own soon.  Yesterday, he grabbed his pushcart and walked over to the dishwasher and began loading his soft blocks inside.  In the last couple months, he finally started resting his head on my shoulder for a cuddle.  He’s just a funny, loving little boy.  I couldn’t be happier now that he’s in my life.

Here’s the video I made for his first birthday.  BT and I watched it a gazillion times.

<p><a href=”http://vimeo.com/64492892″>A Year of Gus</a> from <a href=”http://vimeo.com/user12154568″>Kathryn B.</a> on <a href=”http://vimeo.com”>Vimeo</a&gt;.</p>  

I have a bunch …

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I have a bunch of blog posts in various states of readiness, just hanging out in my Drafts folder.  One of them is my birth story, which I CANNOT figure out how to tell.  It’s been swimming around in my head, and I want it to be just right, but I can’t actually remember a lot of what happened, because I was pretty out of it at times.  I need to interview all the various people who were in the room with me.  Because even though I was all, “Only BT and the midwife and nurse in the labor & delivery room!” my mom, dad, and mother-in-law were in there too.  And I’m so glad they were.

Bear with me!