I see certain older adults sometimes stop and watch my son play or run on his chubby legs or chat at me from the shopping cart.  Sometimes they look amused, and sometimes they look wistful.  They say cliche things like “It goes so fast” or “Enjoy it!”  and I completely get it.  I see this boy changing so rapidly in front of my eyes.  Everything is always so bittersweet.  It’s all so complicated yet uncomplicated–there is so much to be DONE, so much managing, so much overseeing, so much planning ahead.  But also there’s this:  we love each other so purely.  It’s just so easy for me to love him.  It’s a given that I will wake up and feel all that love in my heart and that I will go to my little boy to lift him out of bed and he will say “MaMA!” with a smile in his voice, because all he knows for me is love.  And I think ahead and worry that in years to come, this love will become murky and sullied by resentment and teenage hormones and outside factors.  I don’t know what to expect, exactly.  Maybe our love will strengthen with every setback and every cloudy moment.  I hope so.  But I also wish our hearts could always exchange this golden purity, back and forth.

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